Tamara Hebert

Rosebud.

“Rosebud”. All of Citizen Kane begs the question from that one final word of the protagonist uttered at the start of the film. Throughout the entire movie the viewer waits to see who Rosebud is, only to find out in the final seconds what we never could’ve guessed. We lean in closely to discover an answer we’re hungry for, what could Kane have meant by that last, intentionally poignant word? The mystery of that fictional film creates in us a hunger needing to be satisfied, we wait with eagerness to discover the meaning of the reference.

              I’ll never forget the last thing that my grandmother said to me as I leaned my face in close to hers the night before she passed, she on her deathbed with 90+ years of life behind her, and me young and green to it all. The final words she chose from decades of words spoken were “I love you sweetheart”, and those blue eyes brimmed with love in every whispered word. And that was it, our final exchange, and I’ll hold onto it until as long as my memory allows. Last words, like the last utterance of Charles Foster Kane, or my grandmother, or countless others that cause us to lean in, listen a little more closely, and try to understand their meaning a little better. And yet, why have we not done this exact same thing with the final public High Priestly prayer of the Son of God? John the Beloved records Christ’s loving request: “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one,I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.“

That they may be one even as we are one. This sort of oneness is unfathomable, it connotes an extreme closeness, and yet if it is being requested by Christ, it is possible. All of creation should be leaning in, looking more deeply at these words, listening more closely to the utterances of The Son to The Father, searching into the immeasurable depths of the heart behind it. Unlike our protagonist Kane, this prayer did not contain mysteries that we must wait to discover – not at all. Right there in the middle of The Lord’s request are implicit instructions to us, framed with the beauty of a heart that longs for our good.

I wrote this in 2022, but it rings as true today, “In as unlikely of a time such as this – the dawn of a new year that carries too much baggage of the last, a brand new baby, and the world in upheaval, the impulse to write about community has been nagging at me for long enough that it begs me to at least attempt a try. And when better for the church to hear the message of oneness, of extending unreasonable amounts of love, then when the world seems to be changing before our eyes? The brand new, struggling, despised and mistreated early church had everything in common, selling their possessions and giving as each had need (Acts 2:44-45). This was following the ascension of Christ and in the initial stages of the persecution of the church – and through it all they were practicing holiness for darker times, and they didn’t even know it. Little did they know the extreme persecution that would soon come, the imprisonment and brutality that awaited many, yet there was a love that bonded them from earth to eternity that could not be restricted by man-made chains.

And the most beautiful irony is that my typing of this page was sweetly interrupted by a dear friend stopping at our door on a Sunday afternoon, looking to pick up our laundry and bless us by taking care of it for us because we just had a baby. Just a mere kindness in the wake of the birth of our new son, what love. Friends, I tear up because this is the church. These are the hands and feet of Christ, our saving King who came to serve. And what more beautiful a thing than to make the world jealous by our love for one another, our faithful service to the body, welcoming with open arms every soul longing to lay down their lives for The One who laid down His.”

Let us never take our position of brotherhood within the body for granted. May we be humbled by the love shown us, moved by the Spirit within us, and excited by the Heavenly community before us.

This blog is written to exhort and encourage the believers. It’s a rally cry, that we might be one as He is one. If you don’t know Christ and the freedom He brings, I encourage you to hear His call, repent of your life apart from Him, and give your life to the One who loves you more than you can imagine.

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My Purpose

The reason that I’m writing this is because there’s a need, and I’m seeing unbelievers bringing it up and Christians looking pale from the lack of communal nutrition. And it would seem as though people just genuinely don’t know how to be communal anymore. Christians in particular are so focused on their intimate relationship and growth in The Lord, they tend to forget that “iron sharpens iron”, we are called to “bear one another’s burdens”, confess our sins to one another, even rebuke with brotherly love. We are not islands floating in a vast ocean of eight billion souls trying to better ourselves to heaven, we are deeply integrated members of one body already forgiven and cleansed by Christ, called to “live in one accord”, and make the world jealous for our Savior that HE would be glorified.

I read an article awhile back about a woman who hires herself out to be a bridesmaid, helping support the bride and bolster the bridal parties at various weddings. Read that again – this woman hires herself out as a bridesmaid to help a bride who doesn’t have someone able to do the work of a bridesmaid. That last part sounds harmless enough, but then a line on the website actually reads, “Because everyone deserves support from someone who’s actually paid to care this much.” (bridesmaidforhire.com). They even have a policy where they can create a backstory of friendship with the bride for discretion. Let’s start with the fact that the appearance of supportive friendship should never be a market, that sort of intimate friendship should be a must. Next, how sad is it that these brides are standing there on their wedding days giving the illusion of having lived communally, as they stand there missing out on close friends that will encourage them in their new marriage, the precious gift of accountability, the community of friends who will rejoice with you in your marriage, walk with you in hardships, celebrate the milestones, and support you in grief. There is so much more than a wedding day appearance at stake in that article, there is a very grave friendship anemia displayed by the need for “bridesmaid rentals”.

More and more I see in the general media ideas popping up with the goal of friendship making. The Happier podcast with NYT best-selling author Gretchen Rubin put out an episode in 2025 where she encourages listeners to “make one new friend this year”. While that’s a beautiful charge, there’s also the unsaid acknowledgement that this is a need for us as humans. When Christians look at The Godhead, we see an intimate love between the three Persons of the Trinity, and if we’re created in their image, why should we live any different? Why is isolation and seclusion an option? If unbelievers are encouraging others to make friends, we should take that very seriously as members of the church, members that are commanded to “go out and make disciples”. Those disciples are of Christ, but disciples don’t live alone, they live as one (John 17). And there is such a lack of oneness in our world, within the church and without, that we are beginning to hear it in all sorts of places. Loneliness is taking our world by storm, and it is disguised in “perfect” social media platforms, masked by busy calendars, hidden within group activities, and even present in full church services. But we are starving.

You might be thinking, “You’ve said a lot of tough truths, but how do I start? How do I make a real friend?” And, as C.S. Lewis puts it, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one!” Did you catch it? The start has to be looking outside of ourselves, communication, and a general openness. The devil has given us a million distractions – our phones, our insecurities, our poverty, our wealth, our pride, our self-pity, our self-deprecation, our self-exaltation, our downtrodden weariness, and on and on. We are so heavy laden with ways to look down or inward, that we cannot even see the possibility before us. So start there – look up. Look outward. Really practice seeing. This can only happen by the power of the Spirit within us. Seeing others isn’t us trying to gain approval, in fact that’s missing the point. This is only birthed through loving Jesus, and wanting to love like Him. Using up every ounce of our being in service to our King by loving well, loving like He does.

Do you see that mom sitting alone at the church women’s event? She wouldn’t have come if she wanted to sit alone, she’s there because she needs community. Go sit by her, ask her name, how long she’s been attending, does she have family in town, and learn about her. The best way to begin a relationship are through questions and really listening. And if the silence feels awkward, share how you came to the place you are. Find a commonality, and then ask more questions! Here’s the kicker – friendship isn’t just for us. It’s to glorify God, bless others, and be edified. But, more on that later.

May you be blessed in your relationships today, but may you glorify Him in them.

– Tamara